I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
