no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
