I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
