In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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