Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
