An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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