Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
