hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
