I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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