I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
