The maid of honor just puked.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
