There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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