Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
