Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
