I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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