he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
