That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
