So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
