he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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