We're facebook friends in real life
and she was petting her beer can
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
