I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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