So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize