For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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