I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i think i have two assholes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
