You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
