I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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