It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize