I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
