Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
