Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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