Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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