I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
