my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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