If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
