i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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