...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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