That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
