i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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