You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
