Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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