Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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