I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
