I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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