he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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