shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
