i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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