Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
