It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
