apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize