My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Can Purell be used as lube?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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