Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
