you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
