Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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