..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
