You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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