I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
