I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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