I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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