my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
