I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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