I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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