So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
