Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
