I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
