i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
