I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
