May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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