So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
