I am puke
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
