Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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