My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
