We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
