honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
