4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
