yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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