oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
