She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
