He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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